It is 4 months since I started this blog (where does the time go?) and I thought it would be a good time to reflect now that hopefully I have come through the other side.
If you’ve not read my blog before you may not know that my career and I went through a bit of a breakup back in April/May time… we both said a lot of stuff and it was hard. Mostly because I didn’t know what direction to turn in next.
The biggest problem of all wasn’t the clients I was working with – they hadn’t done anything wrong; it was some of my colleagues. They were ruining everything, including my mental health.
Since then a fair few tears have been shed. My mental health did take the plunge initially but I refused to be defeated and with the support of Tim, my family and my friends I’m turning a corner, especially after I managed to get some closure.
Despite all the fun stress of being unemployed and feeling lost; what scared me the most was how much life I had missed since 2012. Some of it very superficial, some less so. As part of being a therapist I often preach about occupational balance but in fact realised that I had very little balance myself. I’d shut down all my hobbies and I couldn’t even remember what my interests were! Somehow, despite making the vow that I would never do this, I had been consumed by my job.
In addition to (re)discovering the gym, watching ALL of the vlogs on YouTube, learning the ins and outs of our finances and learning to live on a tight budget, I am now starting to develop my own business – something I was never brave enough to do prior. It’s still very much a baby whilst I try to work out legal stuff, but considering Telle’s Nutritional Life wasn’t even a thing, I’m pretty pleased with how it’s slowly forming. One thing that’s very important to me is that I don’t want to force it.
I now also have an almost full time other job that’s going to let me be more of a therapist than I have been in a while and let me develop in a way I couldn’t have done whilst working as my actual job title. In addition to this, the hours are perfect for giving me time to focus on TNL and my pay cut is barely noticeable.
My relationship with Tim is stronger than ever and I admire him more than I thought possible. I won’t gush about him on here because no one wants to read that but he is annoyingly perfect.
The biggest thing I have learnt is that you actually can’t control anything and in some ways it’s surprisingly comforting (for the most part). I learnt that I can be the friendliest, smiliest, confident (but not arrogant), knowledgable candidate for a job yet still won’t get it because of that pesky internal candidate. I learnt that you can be exceptionally resourceful when you need to be. I learnt that going for a walk in the middle of nowhere makes you realise how much we generate our own stress and that life doesn’t need to be that complicated. I realised that living in Scotland with Tim means more to me than my career. I realised that sometimes we just have to wait for our dreams to come true (and sometimes this wait may have to be a decade or so). Finally I learnt that being a ‘realist’ or ‘pessimist’ has literally got me nowhere in life. I had spent my life preparing for failure because I didn’t think I could cope with the disappointment. I now partly think that instead, I had been setting myself up for the moment where I came close to losing my career, my home and my savings.
For whatever reason I have discovered positivity (of which many people who know me think I’m faking). But genuinely… we can choose to be happy in life or we can choose to be miserable. I was placing too much emphasis on the wrong things instead of realising we only have one life to live and that we should try and make it a good one.